Over my thirty years as a kindergarten principal, I've seen it again and again: a child who was happily playing suddenly melts down because you looked at them the wrong way. You didn't say anything, yet they're already in tears or stomping their feet. I'm LiYing Yan, and today I want to share a real story from my own classroom that shows how to help kids overcome fear and find motivation. In this mini case study, you'll see exactly what happened with one little boy and how a simple change in approach turned everything around.
The morning everything went wrong
It was a typical Tuesday in my kindergarten. Four-year-old Ming was building a tower with blocks. His mom, Mrs. Chen, dropped by for a quick visit. The moment she walked in, Ming looked up, and his face crumpled. He threw a block across the room and screamed, "No! Go away!"
Mrs. Chen was stunned. "I didn't even say anything," she whispered to me. "What did I do?"
I've seen this hundreds of times. A child gets worked up and stubborn, and the parent keeps going at them the same way — asking, explaining, scolding. But that only adds fuel to the fire. The real trick? Stop. Just switch it up.
Step 1: Stop and give space
I gently guided Mrs. Chen to the other side of the room. "Let's give him a minute," I said. "He's not ready to talk yet."
Ming kept crying for a bit, but without an audience, his storm started to pass. After about five minutes, he peeked over. That's when I knew the moment had come. We didn't rush back. We waited.
Step 2: Find the right moment to reset
When Ming finally looked curious instead of furious, Mrs. Chen walked over slowly. She didn't mention the block or the screaming. Instead, she sat on the floor and picked up a different block. "I wonder if this one can go on top," she said softly.
Ming hesitated, then nodded. He took the block and placed it carefully. They built together in silence for a few minutes. Then he said, "Sorry, Mommy."
That was the reset. No lecture. No punishment. Just a calm re-entry.
Step 3: Steer them gently, then let them jump
Later that week, Ming's parents told me he was watching a lot of fast-paced cartoons at home. Every day, those shows revved him up. So I suggested something simple: steer him, over here, over here, over here.
In practice, that meant offering choices: "Do you want to read this book or play with your cars?" or "Should we go outside now or after snack?" We didn't force. We just kept pointing him toward calmer, more engaging activities.
At first, Ming resisted. But after a few days, he started choosing the book on his own. One evening, his mom found him flipping through a picture book instead of asking for the screen. He made the jump himself.
What this means for you
If your child gets all worked up and stubborn, don't keep going at them the same way every time. That's the biggest lesson from Ming's story. You might feel like you didn't even say anything, and they're already melting down. It happens. So stop — try a different approach.
Give them a little space. Then look for the right moment to help them reset. And if they're watching all that stuff every day, just steer them — over here, over here, over here — and eventually they'll make the jump themselves.
That's how you help kids overcome fear and find motivation. Not by pushing harder, but by changing the dance. You can also listen to this short talk at the end of the post.
📺 Watch the full talk on YouTube: https://youtu.be/00L_gkP7Sxs