Have you ever spent hours preparing something for your child—a birthday party, a school project, or even a difficult conversation—only to hesitate at the last moment? That knot in your stomach, the second-guessing, the urge to scrap it all? I felt that exact same way recently, and it taught me something profound about parenting.
I'm a kindergarten principal, and I record videos for parents. Normally, I just hit record and talk. But this time, I was terrified. Not because I was afraid of being wrong—I've been wrong plenty of times. What scared me was the feeling of being exposed, of putting my raw, unedited thoughts out there and having someone say, “What is she even talking about?”
That moment of vulnerability made me realize: we all have those moments as parents. And the way we handle them shapes how our kids handle their own fears. Let me walk you through what I learned.
The Real Fear Isn't Failure—It's Judgment
I used to think I was scared of making mistakes. But that day, I realized the real fear was judgment. When I said something like “a hundred billion” (and yes, people made a whole website about it), the comments came fast. Some were kind, some weren't. But the sting wasn't from being wrong—it was from being misunderstood.
As parents, we feel this all the time. We make a decision—like letting our kid skip a nap or try a new food—and suddenly we're bracing for the opinions of in-laws, other moms, even strangers online.
Here's what actually works: remind yourself that judgment is about them, not you. You know your child best. That doesn't mean ignoring feedback, but it means filtering it through your own values.
Why We Hold Back (Even When We Know Better)
I spent hours editing that video, cutting it down from three parts to four, then back again. I was terrified you'd get bored and click away. So I smoothed out every rough edge. But in doing so, I almost lost the whole point.
Think about how we do this with our kids. We over-schedule them because we're scared of idle time. We jump in to solve their fights because we can't stand watching them struggle. We say “yes” when we mean “no” because we're afraid of a tantrum.
But here's the truth: when we hold back, we teach our kids to hold back too. They learn that their own messy attempts aren't good enough. They see our anxiety and absorb it.
Three Steps to Push Through Your Parenting Fears
So what do we do with this fear? Here's what I've started doing, and it's helped both me and my students' parents.
- Name the fear. Instead of saying “I'm scared,” say exactly what you're scared of: “I'm scared my son will feel left out if he doesn't go to that party.” Naming it takes away its power.
- Ask, “What's the worst that can happen?” Usually, it's not as bad as we imagine. And if it is, you'll deal with it—parents are experts at that.
- Do it scared. I hit publish on that video, even though my hands were shaking. And you know what? A few people sent lovely messages. Most didn't even mention the “hundred billion” thing. Action breaks the cycle.
Your Kids Are Watching How You Handle Fear
When you hesitate, your kids see it. When you push through, they see that too. I remember a mom in my office, crying because her daughter refused to try out for the school play. “I've always been shy,” she said. “I didn't want to push her.” But her daughter wasn't shy—she was mirroring her mom's anxiety.
We talked, and she decided to sign up for a pottery class herself. She came back a month later, beaming. Her daughter had also joined the play. Coincidence? I don't think so.
When you take a risk, you give your child permission to take one too. That's the greatest gift you can offer.
The Bottom Line: Hit Publish on Your Parenting
I finally finished that video, and I'm glad I did. Not because it was perfect—it wasn't. But because I showed up, even when I was scared. And that's what parenting is about, isn't it? Showing up, day after day, even when you're not sure you're doing it right.
So the next time you're about to hold back—whether it's sending that email to the teacher, letting your kid climb the tall slide, or just saying “no” to another playdate—remember: your fear is normal. But it doesn't have to run the show.
Take a breath. Do it scared. And watch your little one learn to do the same.