Every preschool teacher knows the feeling. You're mid-lesson, and one child just won't settle. They're fidgeting, calling out, or staring into space. Before you know it, you've spent more time redirecting than teaching. It's exhausting. But here's the truth: the problem isn't always the child. Sometimes, it's the approach.
I recently sat in on a kindergarten principal's parent meeting, and she shared a story that stopped me in my tracks. It was about a teacher who was struggling with a disruptive student. But instead of blaming the child, she challenged herself. She invited a colleague to observe her class and compare teaching styles. The result? A powerful lesson for all of us—parents and teachers alike.
Why Your Reaction Matters More Than the Child's Behavior
When a child acts out, our first instinct is often to correct them. But the principal's story reminds us that our own response sets the tone. If we're constantly redirecting, we're not teaching—we're surviving. That's not fair to us or the child.
Think about it: if one child is always disrupting, maybe the real issue is how the lesson is delivered. Are we engaging? Are we pacing well? Are we connecting? The principal's point is simple—sometimes, the fix isn't the child. It's us.
Step 1: Invite an Observer to Your Classroom
The teacher in the story didn't just complain. She took action. She asked her colleague to sit in during her lesson and watch how she handled the difficult student. Here's how you can do it tonight: pick a trusted coworker or even a parent volunteer. Ask them to observe without interrupting.
Tell them, "Just watch my class. If I don't mess up a single phrase, you pick which teaching style is better—mine or the other teacher's." It sounds bold, but that's the point. You're putting yourself on the line. That's how you grow.
The colleague chose the principal as the better teacher. But the real win wasn't the compliment. It was the self-imposed pressure to perform better.
Step 2: Stop Blaming, Start Adjusting
Here's a hard truth: when a child zones out, it's easy to label them as "trouble." But labels stick. Instead, ask yourself—what am I doing that's not working? Maybe the lesson is too long. Maybe the child needs more movement. Maybe your voice is too monotone.
The principal said, "I keep pushing myself to improve." That's the key. It's not about being perfect. It's about being willing to change. If a lesson isn't landing, tweak it. If a child is struggling, change your approach. It's that simple—and that hard.
Step 3: Turn Comparison into a Tool, Not a Threat
We often avoid comparing ourselves to others because it feels judgmental. But the principal used comparison as a growth tool. She literally asked her colleague to pick the better teacher. That takes guts.
You can do the same at home. If your preschooler is refusing to listen, compare your methods. What does your partner do differently? What does their teacher do that works? You don't have to copy—just observe. Then adapt.
For example, one mom I know was struggling with morning tantrums. She watched how the preschool teacher got her son to put on his shoes. The teacher sang a silly song. The mom tried it at home. It worked—because she was willing to borrow a new idea.
Step 4: Keep Pushing Yourself, No Matter What
The principal's final message was clear: "You have to keep pushing yourself to grow, no matter what." That applies to teachers, but it applies to parents even more. When your child is driving you crazy, it's tempting to give up or get angry. But growth comes from those tough moments.
So, next time your preschooler is acting out, pause. Ask yourself: What can I try differently? Maybe it's a new routine, a different tone, or a silly game. The goal isn't to control your child—it's to connect with them. And that starts with your own willingness to evolve.
Your Turn to Try It
You don't need a principal's title to use these steps. Start small. Pick one lesson or one routine that's not working. Invite your partner or a friend to watch you handle it. Get honest feedback. Then adjust.
Remember, the goal isn't perfection. It's progress. And when you model that for your child, you're teaching them something far more valuable than any lesson plan—you're teaching them how to grow.
So, what will you try differently this week? I'd love to hear your story.